Most often partners have equal trouble expressing anger in healthy ways: when one expresses it outwardly, the other holds it in. Both partners wind up at opposite ends, constantly battling for power and control; underlying that is a battle to be heard and validated, which never gets resolved. Your relationship becomes a series of unsolvable reactions.

When the level of anger reaches emotional abuse, the safety and security of the partner receiving the anger erodes. Any emotion displayed by the angry person triggers fear in his/her partner and the couple relationship loses all intimacy and connection. The longer this continues, the more intense the feelings become. Your partner winds up doing anything possible to eliminate potential triggers to your anger. The fear becomes so intense that any emotion displayed by the angry person produces traumatic responses in the partner.

Couple therapy includes breaking through the defense structures and protections that use anger, identifying wounds and unmet needs beneath anger, calming down the nervous system when triggered, creating safety and connection within the couple relationship that allows partners to witness and to have compassion for each others pain, and restoring the couple’s own strength and resiliency.

About Communication…
Couples who have the compassion for each other’s pain, and the ability to really hear and validate their partner’s feelings without becoming defensive, are able to communicate their differences in ways that actually strengthen and improve the intimacy in their relationship. Couples fight when they dismiss and ignore their partner’s experience. Our relational therapy aims to break through clients’ defense structures and protections, which keep them from hearing their partners’ complaints. Once we break through these obstacles, we foster the couples’ own inherent strength and resiliency to make the changes they desire.

About Infidelity…
Infidelity causes intense feelings of anger, betrayal, disbelief, guilt, and shame. Infidelity can occur at any point in a relationship and is often an accurate indicator of the strength, which the relationship no longer has. Because of the deep feelings of betrayal, infidelity undermines the foundation of the marriage. Once couples reach this point, all hope is not lost. It is possible for a couple to heal the wounds and create the relationship they desire, it will just take time to re-build trust, intimacy, and a sense of security.

Providing both partners want to restore the relationship, couple therapy is the best option. The goals of therapy would be to put an end to the relationship exits, to be accountable for your actions, to explore underlying marital problems and un-met needs, creating a safe place to process anger, loss of trust and security, and a re-commitment to your partner and the relationship.

About Power Struggles…
The importance of shared power and partnership in achieving an intimate and effective relationship is paramount. Once a relationship moves past the honeymoon stage, many stall in the power struggle stage, which is usually focused around religion, parenting, allocation of time, sex/ intimacy, the home, social life, personal habits/ hobbies, privacy, and finances. It’s when partners stop hearing each other’s complaints, needs, and wants and start defending and protecting themselves against criticism and attempts of forced change.

The power struggle is not supposed to last, but many couples cannot seem to find the balance their relationship needs, and once had. When one partner has no voice the imbalance of power will destroy the couple relationship and create a parenting relationship. Couples who are unsuccessful at navigating through the power struggle remain at battle, and may decide to end their relationship. Couple therapy can help you to hear each other again, giving both partners an equal voice, and equal rights to having their needs and wants validated and understood.

Call us at 917-968-5599 to schedule an appointment.