Midtown Marriage and Family Therapy, PC
271 Madison Avenue, Suite 708, New York, NY 10016
917-968-5599
Couples come to Midtown MFT for therapy, having exhausted
their own internal resources in repairing their relationship, they are stuck,
and they need help to break through their destructive patterns.
Couples may be arguing, bickering, and constantly triggering
each other, or they may be disconnected, feeling alone, and barely speaking.
The common thread in couples seeking services is that their relationship is
no longer a safe, loving, and enjoyable space.
We help couples restore the strength and vitality their relationship once
had, and show them how to create a conscious partnership focused on valuing
each other’s experience. We deepen the emotional connection, restore
intimacy, and show couples how to become responsive to their partners’
needs and wants.
Common relationship struggles include:
- Lack of satisfaction and enjoyment with your partner
- Constant bickering and fighting
- Infidelity
- Differing ideas of roles, rules, and expectations
- Difficulty transitioning to a parenting relationship
- Excessive anger
- Inherent differences in lifestyle decisions (having children, religion, career)
- Extended family conflicts
- Inability for your partner to get why you are hurting
- Having the same arguments over and over again
- Keeping the relationship functioning through one partners’ addiction, past abuse, or chronic illness
- Lack of intimacy
About Anger…
Intense anger in the couple relationship is very destructive. In an attempt
by your partner to keep the peace, all needs, wants, and moods, of the angry
partner usually come first. This creates intense anger and resentment in your
partner, which usually is unable to be expressed. Your partner becomes co-dependent
to your anger, enabling the same patterns to continue. Your anger winds up
controlling you and your family; at the same time, the angry partner feels
an incredible lack of control.
Most often partners have equal trouble expressing anger in healthy ways: when one expresses it outwardly, the other holds it in. Both partners wind up at opposite ends, constantly battling for power and control; underlying that is a battle to be heard and validated, which never gets resolved. Your relationship becomes a series of unsolvable reactions.
When the level of anger reaches emotional abuse, the safety and security of the partner receiving the anger erodes. Any emotion displayed by the angry person triggers fear in his/her partner and the couple relationship loses all intimacy and connection. The longer this continues, the more intense the feelings become. Your partner winds up doing anything possible to eliminate potential triggers to your anger. The fear becomes so intense that any emotion displayed by the angry person produces traumatic responses in the partner.
Couple therapy includes breaking through the defense structures and protections that use anger, identifying wounds and unmet needs beneath anger, calming down the nervous system when triggered, creating safety and connection within the couple relationship that allows partners to witness and to have compassion for each others pain, and restoring the couple’s own strength and resiliency.
About Communication…
Couples who have the compassion for each other’s pain, and the ability
to really hear and validate their partner’s feelings without becoming
defensive, are able to communicate their differences in ways that actually
strengthen and improve the intimacy in their relationship. Couples fight when
they dismiss and ignore their partner’s experience. Our relational therapy
aims to break through clients’ defense structures and protections, which
keep them from hearing their partners’ complaints. Once we break through
these obstacles, we foster the couples’ own inherent strength and resiliency
to make the changes they desire.
About Infidelity…
Infidelity causes intense feelings of anger, betrayal, disbelief, guilt, and
shame. Infidelity can occur at any point in a relationship and is often an
accurate indicator of the strength, which the relationship no longer has.
Because of the deep feelings of betrayal, infidelity undermines the foundation
of the marriage. Once couples reach this point, all hope is not lost. It is
possible for a couple to heal the wounds and create the relationship they
desire, it will just take time to re-build trust, intimacy, and a sense of
security.
Providing both partners want to restore the relationship, couple therapy is the best option. The goals of therapy would be to put an end to the relationship exits, to be accountable for your actions, to explore underlying marital problems and un-met needs, creating a safe place to process anger, loss of trust and security, and a re-commitment to your partner and the relationship.
About Power Struggles…
The importance of shared power and partnership in achieving an intimate and
effective relationship is paramount. Once a relationship moves past the honeymoon
stage, many stall in the power struggle stage, which is usually focused around
religion, parenting, allocation of time, sex/ intimacy, the home, social life,
personal habits/ hobbies, privacy, and finances. It’s when partners
stop hearing each other’s complaints, needs, and wants and start defending
and protecting themselves against criticism and attempts of forced change.
The power struggle is not supposed to last, but many couples cannot seem to find the balance their relationship needs, and once had. When one partner has no voice the imbalance of power will destroy the couple relationship and create a parenting relationship. Couples who are unsuccessful at navigating through the power struggle remain at battle, and may decide to end their relationship. Couple therapy can help you to hear each other again, giving both partners an equal voice, and equal rights to having their needs and wants validated and understood.
Call us at 917-968-5599 to schedule an appointment.